3 Ways to Navigate the “Messy Middle”
There are two types of people in the world (OK, there are way more than two types, but for this allegory, there are two.) I used to be the former, but I’ve (mostly and slowly) become the latter. It’s not that I’ve ever been afraid of hard work, I just don’t enjoy the “Messy Middle.” Being in the Messy Middle usually means going through a state of conscious incompetence, which is uncomfortable. Seriously, who wants to knowingly suck at something? It’s why I stop/start activities like learning graphic facilitation, or speaking Spanish. The challenge is (obviously) that if we don’t stick with something long enough, we’re never going to make progress and become proficient. We will forever be stagnant and standing still. Also not in my DNA. At an earlier point in my life, I envied people achieving things I wanted to achieve, but I didn’t know how to do them and couldn’t fathom how to get myself from point A to point B. How were these people getting it done? What I wasn’t seeing was their Messy Middle. The times when they were awkward, uncomfortable, frustrated, less than fully competent, and climbing their way to conscious competence. Should you find yourself in a similar situation, here are a few ideas to help you navigate the Messy Middle and be on your way to conscious competence (or even unconscious competence!) This week I’ll be focusing on #2 as I continue my way through a 6-week workout program and will celebrate my discomfort and awkwardness. Because I’m not going to get any stronger just sitting and watching someone else workout.
To Be a Better Leader Think Like a Marketer
I’ve been coaching leaders for the last 10 years and supporting leaders in-house for many years before that. In that time, I’ve noticed that many have a “one size fits all” method when it comes to managing a team – a singular approach for how they offer feedback, recognize people, or motivate direct reports. This may not be conscious and is likely a result of leading the way they like to be led or the way they’ve seen others lead. While it’s not bad, it may not be the most effective way to engage people. To expand your managerial skills, think like a marketer – view your direct reports as consumers. Marketers segment consumers based on their persona and buying habits. They create targeted messages to appeal to their consumer’s psychographic profile and identify unique selling propositions based on it. All with the hopes of enticing consumers to give up what’s known as “share of wallet.” For example, pretend you work for Nike as the Category Manager for Tennis. If you’re marketing the new tennis shoe, you might speak to its “stickiness” on a court, its ankle support, or its low profile. You pay Serena Williams to endorse the product because she is aspirational for tennis players. Knowing what makes your target consumer “tick” is essential to selling more shoes and generating more profit. Thus, sponsoring Mick Jagger for Tennis sends the wrong message about who the product is for (though I heard he recently put on a killer show with his signature moves, and presumably he could benefit from the ankle support… 🙂) If, however, you’re the Category Manager for Lifestyle, your target audience is likely more interested in the vintage, iconic vibe of the Nike Dunk Low (which is making a resurgence…) so they can look sharp about town, vs. a lightweight, low profile shoe the tennis aficionado is looking for. Dua Lipa may be a better brand ambassador here than Serena. So how does this translate to management? Forgive me if I’m stating the obvious… each person on your team is different. They possess different skills, require varying levels of support or direction, and are likely not motivated in the same ways. You don’t know this however, if you aren’t talking to your team, understanding how they work best, and what their core needs and values are. When you are clear about how you can individually support each employee, you’re creating a customized environment for them. And, according to Debbie Lovich, a Managing Partner at Boston Consulting Group, employees are 49% less likely to consider another role if they enjoy their jobs. If you’re not sure where to start, here are a few “market research” questions to consider: Does doing the market research take a little more time? Yep. And in the long run, will save you time.
How a Kitchen Reno Reminded Me of Why We Need to Ask for Help
A while ago, I spent time working alongside my husband and his cousin demolishing a kitchen, built circa 1970. Getting dirty may be fun for some, not so much for me. And I’m not particularly handy, but this felt like a good time to step up and be a team player (also not a strong suit…) 🙂 So, I pulled nails (many, many, nails!), drilled (very few) screws into 2 x 4’s, and ripped out a little trim board. And I swept and shop-vacced – a lot. All of which left plenty of time for contemplation (it’s hard to listen to music or audiobooks with power tools as a backdrop.) Four insights came to mind. So what’s the difference between this scenario and the workplace? Apparently, not much (though with a lot less perceived risk and stress on my part.) When you’re surrounded by colleagues and you’re being paid to know what you’re doing, it feels a lot more daunting to ask for help. (And, ok yes, in some instances or environments, it may be career suicide, but mostly it’s not.) Even if admitting you need support isn’t career-ending, I suspect the majority of us are ill at ease when we’re not adept at something. Pride and ego are frequent obstacles to sharing our humanness and vulnerability with another. Most of us would much rather try to figure things out on our own and suffer in silence before asking for help. Here’s the thing. If we never step out of our comfort zone and practice new skills and behavior, the likelihood of getting better is, well, nil. Zip. Zero. Zilch. And if you don’t know how to do something, one of the best ways to learn is to have someone else show you or offer advice. ➡️ Your call to action is simple. Ask for help when you need it. Here are a couple of scripts to help you out. Yes, it really can be that simple. You don’t need to wait until you’re stuck, confused, overwhelmed, spinning your wheels, or otherwise hampered at work to ask for assistance. (See above!) And, if you need more support than that, you could always consider finding a mentor, or a coach. 🙂 (Oh, come on. You knew I was going to put that in there, didn’t you?) At some point, it’s useful to pause and reflect on what you gained as a result of enlisting others to support you. A few questions for self-discovery include: Discomfort is temporary. Pushing through it leads to lasting change. Proof that I was there – I even have safety goggles!
Why Predicting Alone Isn’t a Real Strategy
“I wasn’t sleeping well leading up to the meeting because I was so nervous anticipating how he would respond.” This sentiment was expressed by a client in a group I was facilitating. It was reinforced with lots of head nodding by others. We were discussing how to present actionable information to the CEO. Bottom line, people were afraid to share information the CEO might not like or agree with. The stress was a result of people feeling they had to anticipate all the questions that might be asked in the meeting, and then have all the answers. Here’s the thing – in any situation, none of us are going to be able to predict 100% what someone else is going to think/say/do. I’m going out on a limb here to say, it’s just not humanly possible. Take an interview, for example. Sure, we may have ideas as to the types of questions we’ll be asked, and know that we’ll need to speak to our experiences and accomplishments. We are not going to be able to divine the exact questions in advance. Ain’t gonna happen. So, back to the CEO scenario. This type of situation comes up regularly in coaching discussions. People are stressed out about presenting to a board, delivering poor performance reviews and everything in between. When I ask what success looks like in those conversations, the answers are almost always statements such as: Do you see the challenge with those barometers? They are all focused on the person or people receiving the information. Really this is about external validation. It suggests that the way for you to feel good about yourself is based on someone else’s response. This is a fool’s errand. And at the end of the day, we have zero control over other people and what they think/say/do. A better barometer is to focus on internal validation. That is a gift you give to yourself. Receiving praise and being well thought of feels good. And it is also good for your leadership brand, so I’m not suggesting you dismiss it out of hand. What I am suggesting, however, is that taking action aligned with your values and vision of leadership is more important than accolades from others. Even if the outcome is not what you hoped for. Taking action in service of yourself and your goals is more important than someone else’s response. This is how we grow. And because I love a good caveat… I’m not proposing that you ditch the meeting prep. It’s helpful to consider your audience, anticipate their vantage point and needs, and reflect on how you want to show up. I am advocating for you to reevaluate what success looks like in any given situation and how you’re going to measure it. If your only criteria for success lies solely in the hands of someone else’s response or opinion of you, it might be time to rethink.
3 Things Skiing Can Teach Us About Leadership
Are you a skier? Ever strapped on a pair of skis and felt the rush of wind against your face as you carve your way down a mountain? If so, you might recognize these leadership lessons. If not, you’ll learn a bit about skiing. Read on! The Right Equipment Matters 🎿 Picture this: you’re at the top of the mountain, ready to conquer the world (or at least the run ahead). But without the right equipment, you’re basically setting yourself up for a wipeout before you even start. Boots, skis, bindings, weather-appropriate clothing all require some forethought. The same goes for leadership. You wouldn’t hit the slopes without the right gear, so why tackle the challenges of leadership without the proper tools? If the only tool in your leadership toolbox is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail. Yet the hammer may not be the best tool for every situation. Whether it’s fine tuning your communication skills, increasing your personal presence, or building out your network, having the right resources at your disposal sets you up for success from the onset.. The Right Form Can Be Counterintuitive 🤔 Mountain conditions are ever-changing. You could be gliding through fluffy powder one minute to sitting on your tuchas* the next after catching an edge on ice. Skiing is a constant adjustment of your stance, your speed, and sometimes your mindset (like when the guys take you down a trail that has you wishing for a priest to take you through your last rites…) When things get dicey, you want to be leaning forward over your ski tips because it gives you more control. When you’re learning to ski, however, this seems like a scary and stupid idea. Intuition will tell you to sit back, which is pretty much a guarantee you’ll fall on your tuchas.* Leadership’s no different. You’re constantly navigating through shifting landscapes – market trends, team dynamics, re-orgs, and the like.. Just like adjusting your stance to suit the terrain, being an agile leader means adapting your approach based on the circumstances, even if sometimes they may feel counterintuitive. . There’s No One “Right” Way to Lead On any mountain, there are multiple trails that will get you down to the bottom. There’s no such thing as the perfect trail. Likewise, there are countless ways to lead effectively. The key is finding what works for you and your team, and staying true to your own unique, authentic self. So whether you’re charging down the slopes or navigating the complexities of leadership, remember: there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Embrace your strengths, lean into your style, and lead with confidence. So there you have it, folks – leadership lessons straight from the slopes. Now go forth and lead like you mean it!
Leadership is a Contact Sport
Knowing your audience and adjusting your communication accordingly, is not a novel idea. It’s just one that we may not think about in the “sprint” that is known as the workday until after the fact when things aren’t clear.
When you know your audience, you know how to adapt and plan accordingly to maximize productivity and efficiency.
3 Strategies to Balance Your Leadership
What’s your take on work/life balance? I’m not convinced that true balance exists in the sense that we give equal time to each. Work or personal priorities constantly shift and at any point in time (say, presentations to boards, important sales pitches, college visits, etc.) one will require more attention than the other. Balance, therefore (to me), is about finding a way to not focus solely on one, at the exclusion of the other. This seems to be a point of struggle for many leaders I talk to. How about you? Balance is obviously going to look different for everyone and the reality is that it’s not achievable all the time. But I suspect it’s achievable more often than most people think. Let’s look at a case study… I worked with one client who was struggling to manage a constant barrage of last minute requests. She was so afraid to let anyone down that she said “Yes.” to everyone, regardless of the timing or personal impact. (I probably don’t need to spell this out for you but in case you’re exhausted from a fun-filled or work induced weekend, or you haven’t had your morning coffee yet, I will.) She often missed family time because she was working evenings, or gave up her weekend hobbies to get all the work done. The long hours left her exhausted. And because she wasn’t giving her brain or body a rest, she often had pent up frustration and resentment. This in turn, impacted her motivation and interpersonal relationships. As a highly driven individual, all of this was upsetting to her. Through coaching, she realized that much more of this was in her control than she had realized. Here are strategies she employed to reclaim her time and sanity: The results were quick and dramatic. Most notably… My client is not an anomaly. While this depicts the experience of one, it is representative of many. There are a multitude of reasons why people lack balance. And that’s the shortlist. Here’s the rub: When we don’t do enough to help others, we risk losing our humanity. When we do too much, we risk giving away our serenity. Balance is a fine line we all need to find for ourselves. If you haven’t found it yet, perhaps today is a good day to start looking? And if you get stuck, consider scheduling time with me to talk about coaching. 🙂
Leadership Lessons From My Ticketmaster Fiasco
What Ticketmaster can teach us about (poor) leadership (and what to do instead).
Why Watching for Signals is Important for Leaders
I spent a few days hanging out with 17 very smart and accomplished people in the woods of Omaha to talk about the future of work. The conversation centered around “signals” we think will have an impact on the future of work. It was refreshing and energizing to partner with people from different backgrounds, disciplines, and perspectives and hash through possibilities – both positive and maybe not-so-positive. A signal, as described by Marina Gorbis, is “… anything that makes you want to dig in and say: “Why? What is causing this situation?” The aggregate list of the signals we discussed covered a wide range of topics – climate change, polarization, politics, declining populations, teacher shortages, biomedical advances, and of course, AI. We didn’t come to any sound conclusions. (Odd as it sounds, and frustrating as it is for some – ahem, me – arriving at outcomes is not the intended point of the exercise.) What we did do was think about both the certainty of and potential impact of our top agreed-upon topics. The task was a brain twister for sure. It was a stretch to think about how any of these topics may shift and shape our lives over the next 10 years. Yet, there is value in going through an exercise in which you consider how current trends will play out in the future. As Marina says: “Ideally, people in organizations will think about signals and get together to share their observations. I call this sensing. To be a sensing organization, staff need to create some means, formal or informal, of aggregating these signals and working to interpret them. This will allow feedback and direction on what to do next.” There is no one ‘right’ way to do this. The point is to convene with others, get outside your comfort zone, engage in dialogue, you may not normally, and think about possibilities. For instance, “What does the increasing lack of privacy, resurrection of unions, declining college enrollments, increase in homeschooling, or any other trends mean for the future?” And, maybe more importantly, based on your discussions, what do you feel compelled to do about it? You may or may not land on a definitive answer or course of action. But you will probably stretch your thinking, enhance relationships, break down siloes, and be intellectually stimulated. Give it a shot and let me know what you think. If you’re interested in learning more, Marina Gorbis talks about signals and four other principles to think like a futurist in this article.
4 Ideas for Customizing Your Leadership
In this video of an interview with Fran Katsoudas, Cisco’s CPO, Fran makes a comment that “leadership needs to be customized” and that leaders should “cater to the individual.” My first thought was, “of course we should!” and then I realized if all leaders were doing this (among other things), the realm of coaching and leadership development would be much smaller and I might be out of business. 🙂 Given that we all have room to grow, here are four ideas for customizing your leadership approach: None of these is novel or new. I’m likely not telling you anything you don’t already intuitively know. But we can all use the occasional reminder. Self included. Your call to action is to take an objective inventory. What shifts, if any, can you make to customize your leadership style to different team members?