How Labels Diminish Individual Contributions at Work
“To hear people talk about ‘content’ makes me feel like the stuffing inside a sofa cushion.” ~ Emma Thompson, at a recent Royal Television Society conference. She was referring to the way in which the word “content” is now used to lump together all sorts of genres and makes no distinction between writers, actors, playwrights, producers, and the vast majority of people who are putting their work into the world. She goes on to say, “It’s just a rude word for creative people,” she added. “I know there are students in the audience: You don’t want to hear your stories described as ‘content’ or your acting or your producing described as ‘content.’ That’s just like coffee grounds in the sink or something.” Clearly, she has a strong opinion and isn’t afraid to voice it! (A hallmark of strong personal presence.) When we lump people together, there’s no distinction between individual contributions, which results in diminishing and devaluing the final product. Emma Thompson is talking about the creative process, but it gave me pause. Does this happen in organizations, and if so, how? The answer I came up with is “Yes.” and it manifests itself in a variety of ways. Here are three: Much of this could be chalked up to human behavior vs. deliberate sabotage. I really believe that few people wake up in the morning and think “How could I be a total jerk today?” 🤔And yet it happens and is an invitation for more intentionality. This week’s call to action is to look for places in which you (or your organization) are lumping people together when individual progress and attention may be warranted.
4 Ways to Stop Missing the Signs
If you are in the United States and live in the greater Boston area, you know about “Storrowing.” Even if you haven’t heard the actual term, you can probably envision the carnage – a truck whose roof was sheared off while the vehicle’s operator tried to drive under one of the notoriously low bridges on Storrow Drive. The bridges are typically 10 -11 feet in height. Box trucks are about 12 feet in height. It doesn’t bode well for the driver, the truck, or other motorists in the vicinity. Commonly, those unlucky souls are college students moving into new apartments over Labor Day weekend. Now, you may ask yourself, “Aren’t there signs telling people the bridges are low clearance?” Yes, in fact, there are. Many. And yet, somehow, drivers miss the signs. Or think (maybe) by sheer force of will, they’ll figure it out? Or (maybe) think the sign doesn’t apply to them? Image courtesy of NBC Boston via Google Images Whatever the cause, it’s a great metaphor for what happens in organizations. Leaders also miss signs. Do you? Some of these signs you may overlook include: Your people aren’t speaking their truthYour people are saying what they think you want to hear. You (or your peeps) are on your way to burnout (or perhaps you’re already there?). You don’t have support for your initiative. You think you have an agreement on a course of action (but you don’t). You missed the mark in a meeting (but think you nailed it). You read the room wrong. You didn’t pick up on body language, tone of voice, or what wasn’t said. And the list goes on… There are many reasons you might miss a sign: You’re on autopilot and not paying attentionDenial – you don’t want to see what’s in front of you. You’re anxious about something – and still not paying attention. You’re focused on yourself and not others. You’re new to an organization and unclear on the culture and “language”. You’re overwhelmed and just trying to “power through”. You’re sleep-deprived (see above – burnout). You’re trying to do too much at once. And the list goes on… Here are four things you can do to get better at reading the signs. (Really, all of these suggestions could come under the umbrella of, “be curious” but we’ll break them down). It takes very little forethought or energy to be curious. You can do it in the moment and save yourself some headaches down the road. Try it and let me know how you make out. With that, go forth and conquer! 🙂
How the Numbers 27, 9, and 3 Can Upgrade Your Leadership
Sometimes when I’m babbling, my husband will ask, “Does your train of thought have a caboose?” He’s teasing of course, and the stakes are pretty low, so I usually keep on babbling. 🙂 There are other scenarios, however, in which the stakes are much higher than sitting around the dinner table. Babbling, an inability to get to the point, or make the point hit home, can diminish your executive presence. When it comes to executive presence and influence, sometimes less is more. Which is where 27-9-3 comes to your rescue. Originally conceived by Vermont lawmakers, 27-9-3 is an effective way to craft a compelling, clear, and concise message for your audience, whether it’s for an elevator pitch, a rationale for a new business policy, or lobbying for more budget. Here’s how it breaks down: The goal is to connect with the audience, hold their interest and get them intrigued enough to hear more. In fact, while a bit longer than 27 words, this paragraph is also a viable example: “Originally conceived by Vermont lawmakers, 27-9-3 is an effective way to craft a compelling, clear, and concise message for your audience, whether it’s for an elevator pitch, a rationale for a new business policy, or lobbying for more budget.” And it takes practice! As I quickly learned while writing this note and trying to offer you a few examples. 🙂 In addition to hooking peoples’ attention, a benefit to the 27-9-3 model is that it forces you to distill your thoughts, prepare for what you’re going to say, and naturally inclines you to speak to the most salient information. Here’s a sample from a colleague: “I help companies retain high-performing women by teaching them to negotiate, network, and manage their time. We know what makes someone successful in business yet the script on “how” to do it is based on a male-centric experience. My company closes that gap.” Again, a bit longer than 27 words, but it’s clear and you know what she’s doing and why she’s doing it. So the next time you’re getting ready for a high-heat meeting or heading out to an event, give 27-9-3 a try and let me know how you make out. And if you need some help, the folks over at Power Prism have created a worksheet.
You Need a What the F*** Do I Do Now? Advisory Board
Early on in my business, I realized that I didn’t want to operate in a vacuum. I missed having colleagues to bounce ideas off of and keep me company during the day. And as a new business owner, I experienced so many “firsts!” I frequently ran into situations where I wasn’t sure about the best course of action. Thus, my “What the f**k do I do now?” advisory board was formed. 🙂 Comprised of coaches with more experience, I only needed to “phone a friend” to navigate the uncertainties of entrepreneurship. The guidance and cheerleading they have provided over the years has been invaluable. As I got more experienced at running a business, my reliance on others resumed to “normal” levels. Until my sleep tanked this past year. My sleep has been erratic at best and in short supply at worst, and lack of sleep is my kryptonite! In addition to low energy and navigating brain fog, sleep deprivation does a number on my mindset and worldview. Things quickly shift from technicolor to grayscale. While I have a reasonable amount of control over my schedule, I still have a business to run. “Sheet therapy” was not an option! Brain fog I can handle. But a crappy attitude cuts me down at the knees. I needed strategies for coping on days when I was not feeling my best. While no one strategy was a panacea, leaning on my network was crucial to help me reset. So I went back to my advisory board (and many others.) One by one, they coached me through it. They helped me shift my perspective, identify obstacles in my path, and craft strategies to overcome them. And a day at a time, I scrabbled my way back to my usual set point. We live in a relationship economy. Work gets done with and through others. We need to stop pretending we can do everything by ourselves. I know from past experience that’s a recipe for disaster. I see it play out regularly with clients. ➡️ Life happens.➡️ They can’t or won’t ask for help.➡️ They hunker down and work harder.➡️ Quality of life and relationships suffer.➡️ Lather, rinse, repeat. Coaching provides a space to pause, reflect, explore, expand, grow, learn, stretch, experiment, be challenged, and so much more. It’s an opportunity to explore your mindset, beliefs, assumptions, and self-concept, as well as your actions, words, and how others experience you, all of which lead to change, and bring you closer to your goals. If you find yourself stuck and unsure of how to get from point A to point B, maybe now is a great time to invest in your future. Create an advisory board, and consider coaching. You can check out more of my thoughts on why you need coaching here.You can check out suggestions for finding a coach here.You can jump on my calendar to discuss coaching (with me 🙂) here.
3 Questions for Becoming a Conscious Leader
What is conscious leadership? For me, it simply means being aware of the present moment – your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and what’s happening around you. You’re not on autopilot just going through the motions. You’re intentional with your words and actions. You’re attuned to what’s going on with other people. I thought I’d share my take on Alan Watts’ analogy of a boat on the water as it pertains to being a conscious leader. I’m not much of a water person, but the analogy can be instructive for thinking about leadership both in terms of how lived experiences (the past) shape your leadership today and the vision for your leadership (future). With that, here’s the analogy: What is a wake? A boat will leave a wake in its path. The wake represents the past and what has gone before. It “…tells you where the ship has been, in just the same way, that the past and our memory of the past tells us what we have done.” [Alan Watts] Much like yesterday or this morning, the past is behind us. Yet many of us bring it into our present. Hurt, resentments, false assumptions, old perspectives, and limiting beliefs are just a few examples of the baggage we carry in the present that impacts our leadership approach. A friend of mine likes to say that sometimes the pain isn’t about letting go, it’s about holding on when it’s time to let go. ➡️ What are you holding onto from the wake? How is it serving you?What is driving the boat? The energy of the engine in the present moment is propelling the boat forward. Similarly, our thoughts create energy in the present. Energy can be in the form of anger, sadness, joy, gratitude, and any number of other emotions. Energy will also affect our leadership. Certain forms of energy support forward momentum toward our goals and visions. Other forms hinder it. Think about it. If you ask a colleague about some information they owe you, the way in which you ask will be different if you are feeling resentful vs. if you are feeling grateful. Each approach will have a different outcome. ➡️ What are your present moment thoughts? Are they propelling you forward or stalling you out?Which direction is the boat headed? Navigators use maps and GPS coordinates to plot a course toward a landmark or destination. We non-navigators typically use desires, goals, and motivations to point us toward a future dream. Sometimes the future holds unknowns and it feels safer to cling to old habits and perspectives. Often situations call for us to step into a future version of ourselves despite the lack of clarity of outcomes. This applies whether you’re leading, parenting, or anything else that requires interacting with others. In the words of Alan Watts, “Freedom from being the puppet of the past, … simply involves a change in your thinking… you don’t define yourself in terms of what you’ve done before but in terms of what you’re doing now.” ➡️ What’s determining your navigational course – the wake or your future vision? Knowing the type of leader you want to be can pave a clear path forward and guide your actions. If you’re not aware of your actions and the thoughts that precede them, you risk the wake driving your boat.
Leadership Advice from Ted Lasso
In case you’ve been living under a rock or otherwise occupied over the last few years, Ted Lasso is one of Apple TV’s hit runaway shows (which sadly has just concluded its third and final season.) During the episode in question, Ted is upset that his ex-wife is going to Paris with her boyfriend. It being the “City of Love” and all, Ted is convinced the boyfriend is going to propose and starts to freak out (to the degree Ted freaks out.). Leslie Higgins, one of Ted’s confidantes, wisely suggests: “If anything, you should find out before you flip out.” OK, technically, it’s not advice from Ted himself, but rather from Leslie (so magnificently played, IMHO, by Jeremy Swift). It’s still great advice for any of us who are in relationships with other humans. 🙂 It is in our human nature to jump to conclusions. Our brains are wired to protect us from both physical and emotional harm. To do this effectively, our brain needs to make some assumptions, and the assumption is often a negative one – “Danger ahead!” In the absence of factual information, we construct stories in our heads – about situation outcomes or others’ intentions, thought processes, and motivations. (This is why communication during times of organizational change is so critical!) Leslie’s advice is a leadership call to action to lean into curiosity. We can hit the pause button on assumptions to avoid acting or thinking rashly. It’s an invitation to be intentional and align with our values and leadership vision. Ask questions. Gather the data. Make an informed decision. One of my clients found this strategy particularly useful. He would often get frustrated if he thought situations were not going in accordance with his ideas. Colleagues were uncomfortable with his emotional outbursts and he was becoming difficult to work with. Through coaching, he came up with a strategy to ask a minimum of three clarifying questions about the situation before forming an opinion and reacting. While his questions varied depending on the actual situation, he was always at the ready with a few generic questions such as: The goal is to ask questions to which you don’t already know the answer and uncover more data, and benign enough so as not to put others on the defensive. This strategy served several purposes. The next time you find yourself getting worked up about a situation, take it from Leslie and find out before you flip out.
4 Leadership Lessons From Open Mic Night
In addition to her day job, my friend Stacey does stand-up on the side. For fun. 🤷🏻♀️ The hubster and I went out (on a “school night!”) to watch Stacey perform during open mic night. Having never been to an open mic night before, I didn’t know what to expect, but when the evening was over, it occurred to me that leaders could take a few cues from comics. 1. You need courage – It takes guts to get up in front of an audience and try out your material. All eyes are on you, and you don’t know if, or how, the joke will land. Similarly, leadership calls on you to be brave anytime you’re forced outside your comfort zone or hit uncharted territory. Takeaway – Most of us have more courage than we realize, and when we rise to the occasion, we are more transparent, authentic, and communicate more clearly and directly. 2. It’s ok to not be perfect – We watched eight comedians before Stacey took the stage. Some of them were reading from their notes, some didn’t deliver the punch line effectively. Some just looked terrified to be in their own skin. And yet, I got the sense that none of them were expecting perfection of themselves. Takeaway – Leaders who are willing to be vulnerable often experience greater success. They are more relatable and create space for trust. By embracing your humanness you give others permission to do the same. Life isn’t pass / fail so cut yourself some slack for not getting it “right” every time. 3. Pivot gracefully when things don’t go to plan – On the night we went, Stacey was trying out new material. One joke didn’t land and without missing a beat, she quipped, “Really? I thought for sure that one was going to fly.” and then she moved on to her next joke. She made a point to engage the audience and because she was comfortable, we were comfortable. Takeaway – Not performing to the level of our own (or others) expectations is going to happen occasionally. What separates the strong leaders from the mediocre ones is the ability to show up authentically in the moment. 4. Have fun – The point of comedy is to make people laugh. The comics all knew they weren’t going to nail every joke. They were there to practice and have fun. Takeaway – Like stand-up, every day represents an opportunity to practice leadership behaviors. You’re also allowed to have fun in the process, and that creates a ripple effect for those around you. One critical element that separated Stacey from the rest of the pack was her presence. I happen to know she has emceed and/or hosted a lot of events in her day, so she’s had a lot of practice and it shows. She’s articulate and self-assured. Her cadence, inflection, connection with the audience, demeanor and body language all send the message that she knows what she’s doing. This instills trust and confidence in her, and makes it easy for people to root for her, even if a joke doesn’t hit home. You may not be rushing out to sign up for open mic night, but we can all benefit from having strong executive presence.
What a Bot Taught Me About Leadership
As a leadership coach, I’ve observed that a common challenge leaders face is the fear of being disliked or judged. It usually manifests in the “What will people think?” thought. This fear can be so strong that it influences what leaders say and do in their organization, often leading to suboptimal outcomes. In fact, this fear can even extend to interactions with bots, as one of my recent chat sessions revealed. During a chat with ChatGPT, an AI language model, I found myself concerned about being too direct and blunt with the bot. What would the bot think of me? (Yes, seriously!) This made me realize how deeply ingrained my desire to fit in and be liked is. And I don’t think I’m alone in this. As leaders, it’s important to acknowledge this fear, then take steps to overcome it. Here are three tips to help you do just that: While it is natural to want to be liked, it should not come at the expense of your effectiveness as a leader. I encourage you to lead with confidence and authenticity. And speaking of authenticity, you know what? All of the above copy was written by a bot, with limited editing by me! Why am I sharing this with you? Two reasons: Your call to action is to look for ways to take yourself less seriously and lean confidently into your choices.
4 Steps to Identify Your (Abridged) Origin Story
Confession. I’m still thinking about Ryan Reynolds. Do you know what he listed as the first job on his LinkedIn Profile? A stint as a forklift driver at Albertson’s Supermarkets in 1995. Hmmm… given his success and varied business interests, what about this job held enough meaning for him that he included it on his profile? It’s quite possible that when he created his profile, he started with his first job and went from there. He wouldn’t be the first to do that. Short of Ryan Reynolds telling us about his five months as a forklift driver, we won’t really know what, if anything, is important about it. It did, however, make me wonder about his origin story. We all have an origin story. One that includes our formative years, early jobs, or seminal life moments that shape not only who we are, but our values and identity as well. (See this post about Identity!) In a 2007 Harvard Business Review article on authentic leadership, the authors of a leadership study found there is no “ideal leader” profile. Instead, their research uncovered that leadership traits and skills emerged from individuals’ life stories. “Consciously and subconsciously, [leaders] were constantly testing themselves through real-world experiences and reframing their life stories to understand who they were at their core. In doing so, they discovered the purpose of their leadership and learned that being authentic made them more effective.” To get to this point, however, you have to know your origin story. If you’re not sure where to start, try this: Knowing your origin story can be incredibly powerful. Do you know what else is powerful? Appreciating that other people have an origin story too, and it’s probably different than yours. The next time someone irks you, think about where they might be coming from. Literally and figuratively!
3 Simple Steps to Keep Your Leadership on Track
If people were to say, “That’s just [your name] being [your name],” does the connotation behind it reflect the type of leader you want to be?