What’s your take on work/life balance?
I’m not convinced that true balance exists in the sense that we give equal time to each. Work or personal priorities constantly shift and at any point in time (say, presentations to boards, important sales pitches, college visits, etc.) one will require more attention than the other.
Balance, therefore (to me), is about finding a way to not focus solely on one, at the exclusion of the other.
This seems to be a point of struggle for many leaders I talk to. How about you?
Balance is obviously going to look different for everyone and the reality is that it’s not achievable all the time. But I suspect it’s achievable more often than most people think.
Let’s look at a case study…
I worked with one client who was struggling to manage a constant barrage of last minute requests. She was so afraid to let anyone down that she said “Yes.” to everyone, regardless of the timing or personal impact.
(I probably don’t need to spell this out for you but in case you’re exhausted from a fun-filled or work induced weekend, or you haven’t had your morning coffee yet, I will.)
She often missed family time because she was working evenings, or gave up her weekend hobbies to get all the work done. The long hours left her exhausted. And because she wasn’t giving her brain or body a rest, she often had pent up frustration and resentment. This in turn, impacted her motivation and interpersonal relationships. As a highly driven individual, all of this was upsetting to her.
Through coaching, she realized that much more of this was in her control than she had realized.
Here are strategies she employed to reclaim her time and sanity:
- She asked more questions about the requests. This gave her a full picture of what was required. In doing so, she realized that sometimes what was being asked for was much simpler than what she “thought” she needed to deliver.
- She put boundaries around the requests. Rather than automatically saying “Yes.” to whatever deadline was thrown her way, she was clear with the requestor about what was feasible given the turnaround time provided. Other times, she said, “I can do x, and here’s when I can get it to you.”
- She offered insights. Because of her subject matter expertise, my client was often able to suggest ideas that the requestor had not considered and were more realistic from a time and effort standpoint.
The results were quick and dramatic. Most notably…
- She spent less time focused on “people pleasing” and redirected her energies to more freely share her (significant) expertise in meetings
- She shed the “order taker” persona and adopted one of “partner” and “collaborator”
- She increased her influence and visibility in the organization, and subsequently, her confidence
- She got back to her hobbies and time with family because she had more control over her time
- She felt less frustrated with colleagues and regained her mojo around work she loved to do
My client is not an anomaly. While this depicts the experience of one, it is representative of many. There are a multitude of reasons why people lack balance.
- They’re afraid to ask for help.
- They’re afraid to say “No.” or “Not now.”
- They’re afraid to set boundaries.
- They’re afraid they’ll look like they’re not a team player.
- They’re afraid of other people’s reaction to any response other than a “Yes.”
- They’re afraid to speak up for themselves.
- They’re afraid they might look like they can’t handle it.
And that’s the shortlist.
Here’s the rub:
When we don’t do enough to help others, we risk losing our humanity. When we do too much, we risk giving away our serenity.
Balance is a fine line we all need to find for ourselves. If you haven’t found it yet, perhaps today is a good day to start looking?
And if you get stuck, consider scheduling time with me to talk about coaching. 🙂
