In case you’ve been living under a rock or otherwise occupied over the last few years, Ted Lasso is one of Apple TV’s hit runaway shows (which sadly has just concluded its third and final season.)
During the episode in question, Ted is upset that his ex-wife is going to Paris with her boyfriend. It being the “City of Love” and all, Ted is convinced the boyfriend is going to propose and starts to freak out (to the degree Ted freaks out.).
Leslie Higgins, one of Ted’s confidantes, wisely suggests: “If anything, you should find out before you flip out.”
OK, technically, it’s not advice from Ted himself, but rather from Leslie (so magnificently played, IMHO, by Jeremy Swift).
It’s still great advice for any of us who are in relationships with other humans. 🙂
It is in our human nature to jump to conclusions. Our brains are wired to protect us from both physical and emotional harm. To do this effectively, our brain needs to make some assumptions, and the assumption is often a negative one – “Danger ahead!”
In the absence of factual information, we construct stories in our heads – about situation outcomes or others’ intentions, thought processes, and motivations. (This is why communication during times of organizational change is so critical!)
Leslie’s advice is a leadership call to action to lean into curiosity.
We can hit the pause button on assumptions to avoid acting or thinking rashly. It’s an invitation to be intentional and align with our values and leadership vision.
Ask questions. Gather the data. Make an informed decision.
One of my clients found this strategy particularly useful. He would often get frustrated if he thought situations were not going in accordance with his ideas. Colleagues were uncomfortable with his emotional outbursts and he was becoming difficult to work with.
Through coaching, he came up with a strategy to ask a minimum of three clarifying questions about the situation before forming an opinion and reacting.
While his questions varied depending on the actual situation, he was always at the ready with a few generic questions such as:
- Can you say more about that?
- What do you see as the primary benefit of XYZ?
- How do you suggest we tackle this?
The goal is to ask questions to which you don’t already know the answer and uncover more data, and benign enough so as not to put others on the defensive.
This strategy served several purposes.
- It gave him a beat to calm down and helped to change his personal brand within the organization
- It allowed him to see a situation from a colleague’s position and created space for dialogue
- It created eliminated tension in meetings, leading to a more collaborative environment
The next time you find yourself getting worked up about a situation, take it from Leslie and find out before you flip out.
