Why You Should Set Standards Instead of Goals
Here’s a secret: I’ve never been great with setting goals for myself. If it’s for you (or when I had a manager), no problem. Goals achieved! For me, not so much. I used to think I was the only one with this hangup, and turns out I’m not. (Phew!) The problem with goals is that they are outcome based (duh) which means they often depend on factors outside our control. They also don’t always align with our identity—who we see ourselves as, or our self-concept. In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear distinguishes between process-based and identity-based outcomes. He also says: “It’s hard to change your habits if you never change the underlying beliefs that led to your past behavior.” This is basically a reframe of what Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” If you want to level up and achieve new heights, you have to shift what you’ve done in the past. The real game-changer? Your standards. Standards are grounded in your self-concept and identity and shape how you show up every day. Over time, they become habits. Goals rely on willpower and motivation. Goals are future-focused and give you something to strive for. Standards are focused in the here and now, and support behaviors that help you achieve your goals. For instance, for years, I said I wanted to get to the gym and exercise at least three days a week. I was inconsistent at best based, solely, on how I felt each morning. Sometimes I nailed it, sometimes I missed it completely. Hence, another challenge with goals – they can be binary in an “I succeeded” or “I failed” way. And failing usually feels crappy for most of us. Standards align the vision we have for ourselves with our values. Over the last several years, I developed a standard of being fit and healthy and I am now in the habit of moving my body virtually every day. I don’t think about it, I just do it, and my level of motivation (most days) has little impact on my behavior. We can look at this through the Leadership Fluency lens as well. If you were to say “I want to be more influential,” this is a goal. If you define a standard for yourself, you might instead say, “I will consistently speak up in meetings and advocate for my ideas.” The shift in this case is that instead of chasing the goal of influence, you are embodying it. Here are a few prompts to help you create standards: Here’s an example:
How to Make Your Work Visible and Build Influence
Picture this: your kid (or niece/nephew/neighbor’s kid) tells you they set up a lemonade stand to make some money. You look around, and there is not a lemon or a lemonade stand in sight. Upon inquiring, they tell you, “It’s in the basement.” 🤔 You likely see the folly in this setup. The kid could have the best lemonade this side of the Mississippi and is still not destined to make any money. Because the stand is IN THE BASEMENT. Who is going to see it there? Guess what? Leaders do this all the time, too. They unknowingly keep themselves hidden. For example, when I started my business, I was nervous about posting on LinkedIn (and later, starting this newsletter.) Creating content for others’ consumption made me feel incredibly vulnerable and exposed. So, for a long time, I just didn’t do it. I told myself I was “too busy” or “didn’t have a fully formed thought” and a host of other excuses. Really, it was just fear of being seen. Sound familiar? For you, it might look like staying quiet in meetings, keeping your opinions to yourself, or passing on opportunities to represent your company. Hello, McFly! People can’t support or engage with you if they don’t know you exist! You need to help people see your skills and sweet spots and understand how you can help them. If you’re concerned about being in the spotlight, try a reframe: You have something to offer. People can’t benefit from something they don’t know about. Here’s a client example. Kate (not her real name) was less experienced and tenured than most of her colleagues, and so she was shy about speaking up in meetings. She “assumed” that everyone had more knowledge than she did. What she was overlooking was that she was bringing a different perspective to the conversation. When she shifted her mindset, she was able to add a different level of value to the team’s mission. Whether you’re a leader, business owner, or professional, making your presence known is the first step to building trust and influence and making an impact. So what’s getting in the way? I’ll go out on a limb here and say it’s some form of fear for the majority of us. Do any of the following ring true for you? Get Out of the Basement! If you’re saying to yourself, “This all resonates, Sarah. But HOW do I do this?” The good news is, there are multiple options. If you’re the overachieving type and want to take action today, you can apply the PACE model here, too: Using the personal example noted above, let me bring this to life for you. When I started this newsletter, I was PETRIFIED. Because (you’ve heard this before) I was so concerned about what you would think of me and what I was offering (Pause). I reminded myself why I was doing this and how it tied into my values and my purpose (Align). I publicly said I would be writing weekly (Commit). I continue, several years later, to tweak my backend process, writing, and internal narrative (Emerge). It’s never a “one and done.” YOU (and your lemonade stand) deserve to be seen. The world is waiting, but they can’t find you in the basement.
Why Decision Fatigue is Killing Your Productivity
I have spent an embarrassing amount of time toiling over the customization of client gifts. Not what to do with my portfolio. Not finalizing quarterly goals and project plans. Not doing new business outreach. Not following up on client tasks. Nope. Instead, I’ve been pondering: “What size should I get? What color? All caps or sentence-case? Logo? No logo? Too big? Definitely too small. Phooey. Now they’re out of stock.” 🤦🏻♀️ Lather, rinse and repeat the whole scenario. Two more times. You’d think I was leading a big corporate merger the way I was obsessing over these decisions. I would love to tell you I’m exaggerating. I’m not (just ask Katelyn!) In very academic leadership parlance, this is what we call an “Utter waste of f*****g time.” I suspect I’m not alone in this. Leaders unintentionally and regularly kill productivity for themselves and others when they overthink, revisit, or delay decisions that don’t warrant it.* Now, you may be thinking, “She is stating the obvious (again).” And I am. So, while I’m at it, let me spell it out further for you: How to Fix It Overthinking is a habit. And habits can be broken. While different situations may call for different measures, here are a few strategies to consider: No one is paying me (or you) to stress over the size and color of gifts. You’re paid to make decisions that matter. Wasting your time on tasks that aren’t mission critical not only kills your productivity, it erodes your effectiveness, your brand, and your personal motivation. All in one fell swoop! So next time you find yourself debating the perfect shade of blue, ask yourself: “Is this the best use of my time?” If not, delegate** or delete. Your future self (and your team) will thank you. *For you fellow introverts out there, I, too, like to process information. My thinking often evolves when I’ve given myself time to reflect. This is not the same as overthinking. Do yourself a favor and discern where that line is for you. **The article is targeted to first-time managers – and yet – there is something we could all take away from it!
3 Traits Boardrooms and Black Diamonds Have in Common
I’ve been skiing my whole life. I know how to get on and off a chairlift. Yet, that didn’t stop me from almost going through the safety gate and grinding the lift to a halt on a recent trip. (And seriously embarrassing myself in the process!) This got me thinking about the parallels of leadership. What happened? How did something so ingrained in me almost go sideways, and what’s the connection to leading? So, how does all of this relate to the boardroom? You’ll be glad to know I made it down the mountain safely (obvs) without embarrassing myself. “The team,” in this case, was my husband, who came to my rescue. When he saw that I missed my exit (skis no longer hitting the off-ramp), he extended a pole with catlike reflexes. I grabbed it, and with the athletic prowess of a cheetah, 😊jumped off the lift, mere feet before hitting the safety bar. And that, my friends, is another reason why you should never ski or lead alone.
Figuring it Out is NOT a Leadership Strategy
Here’s a question for you: When things go sideways, and you’re not sure what to do, who you gonna call? 😉 If you’re like many leaders, your instinct might be to keep your head down and grind your way through it solo. Even typing that sounds painful! And yet, it’s pretty common: This notion of “I’ll figure it out!” may be one of the most terrible leadership strategies I’ve seen (both firsthand and in others.) OK, yes, maybe it’s served you well in the past because that was the only strategy available at the time. But it’s not doing you or your leadership effectiveness any favors today. The most successful leaders—you know them, those people who seemingly navigate challenges with ease?— don’t do it alone. And neither should you. So, what’s the alternative? Get yourself a “Board of Directors” (I affectionately call mine the “What the F*** Do I Do Now?” Board.) Similar to the board of any corporation, a BOD is a network of trusted advisors who can offer support, keep you accountable, and help you navigate the complexities of life, work, and leadership. These aren’t just friends or family members (though they might play a role). These are people who can and will: None of us are experts across the board. Which is why it’s vital to build a support system that helps fill in the gaps and empowers you to move forward with clarity and ease. We live in a world that glorifies self-reliance, but leadership is a team sport. Your relationships are one of the greatest currencies you have as a leader. When you lean into your BOD, you’re availing yourself of wisdom and thought leadership that positions you for long-term success. How to Build Your Board Building a Board of Directors is easier than you think. Here are four simple steps to get started: ➡️ Decide Where You Could Benefit from Help Think about the gaps you’re facing in your life or leadership. Are you looking for strategic advice? Emotional support? Candor? The answer will help you identify who to include. Common areas people look for support include work/life integration, wellness, emotional health, finances, functional expertise, or skill expertise, to name a few. ➡️ Look Beyond Your Inner Circle While your closest friends might be great at lifting you up, think more expansively about mentors, colleagues, or people in your network—internally and externally—who have experience in areas where you’re looking to grow. ➡️ Ask for What You Need Be specific when you reach out. Let people know what you’re doing and why you’ve identified them specifically for their support. You’ll also want to set expectations as to how often or in what capacity you’ll be asking for assistance. Will you convene your whole board on a quarterly basis? Do you anticipate calling people only as things come up? Help people understand the support you’re looking for and how you anticipate tapping into them. ➡️ Keep the Relationship Two-Way Great relationships are reciprocal. Make sure you’re giving back in ways that are meaningful to your advisors, whether it’s sharing resources, offering encouragement, or simply asking how you can support them. Who are the people you trust to challenge, encourage, and help you see what’s possible? And what’s your plan for reaching out? 🙂
How to Lead Authentically Without Copying Others
In 2016, Spotify launched “Wrapped.” Every December, users get a colorful, animated review of their year in music and podcasts. I’m not a superuser, but I always look forward to seeing my preferences all “Wrapped” up. (Did you see what I did there?) This year, I got Wrapped-like emails from Starbucks (22 stores in 21 cities) and the Washington Post (apparently, I’m a “Trailblazer—curious, practical, confident”), among others. While fun, these attempts felt like they were trying too hard—and honestly, off-brand. It’s true that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but when it comes to leadership, copying someone else’s traits or behaviors can erode your authenticity if not done with care and intentionality. So, where does that leave you when you see leadership qualities you admire but don’t know how to integrate? PACE yourself. Here’s a framework to help you grow while staying true to your unique leadership style: Here’s how it looks in action: James (not his real name) admired Sam’s (also not her real name) gregariousness and natural stage presence. A low-key guy by nature, James felt drawn to Sam’s ability to draw people out (Pause). He also realized that engaging with others more effectively could strengthen relationships with his team and colleagues (Align). To grow, James committed to speaking up more intentionally in meetings and scheduling short networking conversations to boost his visibility (Commit). Over time, he adjusted these actions to feel more authentic and aligned with his personality (Embody). Authentic leadership isn’t about being louder or flashier—it’s about showing up as the truest version of yourself and inspiring others to do the same, enabling you to build trust and create impact along the way. So, as you think about the leadership playlist you’re building for the year, ask yourself: If you’re leveling up this year, curate your own leadership playlist. It’ll be more effective—and fulfilling—than playing someone else’s. What’s the first step you’re committing to today?
6 Strategies for Navigating the Career Development Maze
Is it just me, or does the concept of “Career Development” stymie many people? If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. Employees often struggle to manage their careers, and managers grapple with how best to support them. (If you fall outside either or both of these camps, let me be the first this week to say, “Yay, you!”) When I’m working with managers, these questions frequently arise: These are all valid concerns. Let’s dive into some strategies and ideas to help you navigate the waters. 1. The Career Development Trifecta: A Three-Way Partnership Think of career development as a three-way partnership involving the employee, you (the manager), and the organization. This approach is most effective when it’s: Employee-driven – It’s ultimately up to the employee to identify and articulate where they want their career to go. Your job isn’t to figure this out for them. If they’re unsure, that’s okay! Your role is to partner with them and help them gain clarity. Manager-facilitated – As a manager, think of yourself as an air-traffic controller. Your job is to: Remember, you don’t need to have all the answers. Your primary task is to ask questions and guide them toward resources and opportunities. Company-supported – Most organizations have a vested interest in employee development. They often provide resources such as: Get familiar with what your company offers so you can direct your team members to these resources. 2. Redefine Career Development At its core, career development is about helping people grow. That’s it! This simple definition should take some pressure off. Your role is to: 3. Growth Isn’t Always Vertical Remember, “up” is not the only way to grow. Many employees are interested in learning and developing without necessarily seeking a promotion. Here are some alternative growth paths: 4. Look for Different Mediums to Help People Grow While providing information through articles, videos, blogs, trade publications, networking, and job shadowing is valuable, the real growth happens when employees apply newly acquired knowledge. To maximize learning: 5. Be Transparent Honesty is crucial in career development discussions, especially when addressing aspirations that may not align with current opportunities. When faced with such situations: 6. Ask for Help Remember, you don’t have to navigate career development alone. If you’re feeling stuck or unsure about how to support an employee: Remember, career development is an ongoing process, not a one-time event. By consistently engaging with your team members about their growth and aspirations, you’re not just developing careers – you’re building trust, boosting motivation, and fostering a culture of continuous improvement.
3 Steps for Less Stressful Year End Performance Convos
If thinking about performance conversations makes you want to crawl into the fetal position, fear not. I’ve got you covered. First, know you’re not alone. If you polled 10 people, I bet most would say they don’t look forward to the year-end performance conversation. And it’s not hard to see why. Managers worry about not knowing what to say, dealing with disagreement, getting questions they can’t answer, or not having enough info to give a fair evaluation. On the flip side, employees have their own concerns. Maybe they feel like they won’t have a real voice in the discussion, aren’t comfortable pushing back, think the feedback isn’t fair, or suspect their manager doesn’t really get what they do. It can feel like a high-stakes meeting before you’ve even scheduled it! Here are three things that can help: 1. Think About What Makes These Conversations Actually Work You want to walk away feeling good about the discussion – and so does your employee. Here’s what that looks like: If you’ve been having regular one-on-ones, this should mostly feel like a recap. No big surprises because you’ve been talking about this stuff all year. Think of it as a chance to really dig into what they’re proud of, what drove them crazy, and what they want to tackle next year. Ask questions, share what you’ve noticed, offer to help, and remember, it’s a conversation, not a lecture. 2. Watch Out for the Three D’s Got some tough feedback to deliver? Employee not buying what you’re saying? Don’t panic. Just avoid these three pitfalls: Get curious, ask questions, and be honest but kind. Paint a clear picture of what success looks like going forward, and end on a positive note by offering your support. 3. Don’t Skip the Career Chat! You know what comes up in pretty much every engagement survey? People feel like there is no career path or development. Use this time to talk about where the employee wants to go. You’re not responsible for mapping out their whole career (that’s on them), but you can definitely help brainstorm training options, skills to build, or paths they hadn’t thought about. You can read more about the career conversation here if you missed it previously! Finally, remember: Yes, building relationships with your team is a huge part of your job. And you don’t have to nail it perfectly every time. Forget something important? Have a new thought after sleeping on it? Realize you could have been clearer? Just schedule another chat. Try these: When you do this, you’re showing that you care about the dialogue. It builds engagement and paves the way for future conversations. So, while your colleagues are in the fetal position prior to these meetings, you’ll be kicking back, enjoying your PSL, and looking forward to the discussion. ☕️
26 Questions to Transform your 1-1 Meetings
Do your 1:1s feel like a checkbox exercise? Are you walking away from these conversations, wondering if they really made a difference? (Or canceling them because they feel like a waste of time?) You’re not alone—and it doesn’t have to be this way. It’s All in the Questions Asking more questions can transform a routine check-in into a powerful tool for engagement, growth, and mutual understanding. Here’s the catch: you don’t need to have all the answers ready. Your role is to listen, understand, and partner with your team members to create their ideal work environment. While there is no single “right” question, here are 26 to help you get started and build your Question Library: 🤝 Building Authentic Connections 🔥 Understanding Motivators 📈 Fostering Development 🚀 Supporting Career Growth 💡 Pro Tip: Handling Tough Conversations When faced with requests you can’t fulfill, don’t dodge the conversation. When an employee requests something that is unlikely to happen, try: “I hear how important this is to you. While we can’t make this specific change right now, I’m committed to finding other ways to support you. What else could make a meaningful difference?” Great 1:1s aren’t about having all the answers—they’re about: Remember: The goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress, understanding, and creating an environment where both you and your team can do your best work.
4 Tips to Make Career Discussions More Effective
Last week, I offered different ways to think about career development. This week, I’m sharing a framework and scripts to (hopefully) make your life easier and help you support your team. Let’s jump in. It’s often a misconception that career development requires extensive time and effort. In reality, you can have meaningful, impactful discussions about career growth in as little as 5-10 minutes (yes, really!) The key is consistency and focus. If you can regularly have these conversations with your employees, you’ll be able to foster growth and engagement without the big, scary “career discussions.” Here’s a few ways to make those conversations efficient and effective: 1. Check-in Now is a good time to begin if you haven’t had a career conversation recently (or ever). Start with the big picture and then narrow the focus to shorter-term goals that serve the long-term goal. For instance: These questions help establish a foundation for future discussions and give you insight into the employee’s ambitions. You don’t have to have all the answers… you’re really just gathering information and starting to formulate ideas about how you can help the employee. If this is the first career conversation, it’s best to allocate 30-60 minutes for it. Once you’ve had this one, the rest will be much shorter. Remember, you’re building a foundation here! If you’ve started discussions with employees about their career growth, your check-in questions will be different. Why? Because these questions will help you track their progress, identify roadblocks, and give you insight into where you can support them. For instance: 2. Discovery The discovery phase is about digging deeper. The more questions you ask, the more that will come to light for you and the employee. : Sample questions to facilitate discovery may include: Remember, the goal is to gather information and help the employee gain clarity about their desires and potential paths forward. 3. Action Planning Now, you can help employees create a roadmap based on previous discussions. Partner with them to create one to three action steps they can take in service of their goals. Because a decision without action is just an intention! For instance: 4. Sample Action Plan Goal: Improve public speaking skillsAction: Volunteer to present at the next team meetingTimeline: Next team meeting (2 weeks from now)Support: 30-minute coaching session with manager to review presentationAccountability: Share the presentation outline with a peer for feedback By following this framework, you can turn brief, regular conversations into powerful tools for career development. The key is consistency. Integrating career conversations into the regular cadence of your employee discussions makes career growth easier and more efficient for you and the employee.