If thinking about performance conversations makes you want to crawl into the fetal position, fear not. I’ve got you covered.
First, know you’re not alone. If you polled 10 people, I bet most would say they don’t look forward to the year-end performance conversation. And it’s not hard to see why.
Managers worry about not knowing what to say, dealing with disagreement, getting questions they can’t answer, or not having enough info to give a fair evaluation.
On the flip side, employees have their own concerns. Maybe they feel like they won’t have a real voice in the discussion, aren’t comfortable pushing back, think the feedback isn’t fair, or suspect their manager doesn’t really get what they do.
It can feel like a high-stakes meeting before you’ve even scheduled it!
Here are three things that can help:
1. Think About What Makes These Conversations Actually Work
You want to walk away feeling good about the discussion – and so does your employee. Here’s what that looks like:
- You’re crystal clear about their strengths, where they need to grow, and what you expect going forward. (People can’t hit a target they can’t see!)
- You ask questions and genuinely try to get at what matters to them, including their wins, their struggles, and the whole picture.
- They get plenty of airtime to share their thoughts and ask questions.
- By the end, they know exactly where they stand with you and what’s required of them.
If you’ve been having regular one-on-ones, this should mostly feel like a recap. No big surprises because you’ve been talking about this stuff all year.
Think of it as a chance to really dig into what they’re proud of, what drove them crazy, and what they want to tackle next year. Ask questions, share what you’ve noticed, offer to help, and remember, it’s a conversation, not a lecture.
2. Watch Out for the Three D’s
Got some tough feedback to deliver? Employee not buying what you’re saying? Don’t panic. Just avoid these three pitfalls:
- Deflecting: Own your assessments and ratings. Never suggest that “someone else” made the decision—this undermines your authority and credibility as a manager.
- Diluting: Resist the urge to soften critical feedback. Clear, direct communication serves everyone better than vague messages that leave room for misinterpretation.
- Defending: Do your homework regarding an employee’s performance and have the examples to back it up. Keep things neutral (pretend you’re talking about the weather. Most people don’t get too emotional talking about the weather) and focus on the facts: what’s expected, where the gaps are, and what better performance looks like.
Get curious, ask questions, and be honest but kind. Paint a clear picture of what success looks like going forward, and end on a positive note by offering your support.
3. Don’t Skip the Career Chat!
You know what comes up in pretty much every engagement survey? People feel like there is no career path or development.
Use this time to talk about where the employee wants to go.
You’re not responsible for mapping out their whole career (that’s on them), but you can definitely help brainstorm training options, skills to build, or paths they hadn’t thought about. You can read more about the career conversation here if you missed it previously!
Finally, remember:
Yes, building relationships with your team is a huge part of your job. And you don’t have to nail it perfectly every time.
Forget something important? Have a new thought after sleeping on it? Realize you could have been clearer? Just schedule another chat. Try these:
- “Hey, I’ve been thinking about our talk, and I could have been clearer about…”
- “That point you made about x got me thinking. Can we discuss it some more?”
- “We didn’t get to your career goals – got a few minutes to circle back?”
When you do this, you’re showing that you care about the dialogue. It builds engagement and paves the way for future conversations. So, while your colleagues are in the fetal position prior to these meetings, you’ll be kicking back, enjoying your PSL, and looking forward to the discussion. ☕️
