What a Bot Taught Me About Leadership
As a leadership coach, I’ve observed that a common challenge leaders face is the fear of being disliked or judged. It usually manifests in the “What will people think?” thought. This fear can be so strong that it influences what leaders say and do in their organization, often leading to suboptimal outcomes. In fact, this fear can even extend to interactions with bots, as one of my recent chat sessions revealed. During a chat with ChatGPT, an AI language model, I found myself concerned about being too direct and blunt with the bot. What would the bot think of me? (Yes, seriously!) This made me realize how deeply ingrained my desire to fit in and be liked is. And I don’t think I’m alone in this. As leaders, it’s important to acknowledge this fear, then take steps to overcome it. Here are three tips to help you do just that: While it is natural to want to be liked, it should not come at the expense of your effectiveness as a leader. I encourage you to lead with confidence and authenticity. And speaking of authenticity, you know what? All of the above copy was written by a bot, with limited editing by me! Why am I sharing this with you? Two reasons: Your call to action is to look for ways to take yourself less seriously and lean confidently into your choices.
4 Steps to Identify Your (Abridged) Origin Story
Confession. I’m still thinking about Ryan Reynolds. Do you know what he listed as the first job on his LinkedIn Profile? A stint as a forklift driver at Albertson’s Supermarkets in 1995. Hmmm… given his success and varied business interests, what about this job held enough meaning for him that he included it on his profile? It’s quite possible that when he created his profile, he started with his first job and went from there. He wouldn’t be the first to do that. Short of Ryan Reynolds telling us about his five months as a forklift driver, we won’t really know what, if anything, is important about it. It did, however, make me wonder about his origin story. We all have an origin story. One that includes our formative years, early jobs, or seminal life moments that shape not only who we are, but our values and identity as well. (See this post about Identity!) In a 2007 Harvard Business Review article on authentic leadership, the authors of a leadership study found there is no “ideal leader” profile. Instead, their research uncovered that leadership traits and skills emerged from individuals’ life stories. “Consciously and subconsciously, [leaders] were constantly testing themselves through real-world experiences and reframing their life stories to understand who they were at their core. In doing so, they discovered the purpose of their leadership and learned that being authentic made them more effective.” To get to this point, however, you have to know your origin story. If you’re not sure where to start, try this: Knowing your origin story can be incredibly powerful. Do you know what else is powerful? Appreciating that other people have an origin story too, and it’s probably different than yours. The next time someone irks you, think about where they might be coming from. Literally and figuratively!
3 Simple Steps to Keep Your Leadership on Track
If people were to say, “That’s just [your name] being [your name],” does the connotation behind it reflect the type of leader you want to be?
The Danger of Underestimating People (and What to Do Instead)
The most successful leaders I know realize the value and importance of building a community around them.
7 Steps to Help You Nail Your Goals
In 1927, Benjamin Franklin gathered a group of tradesmen and formed the “Junto Club” (sometimes known as the “Leather Apron Club”) to meet on Friday nights and discuss politics, philosophy, morals, and other relevant issues of the time. The group was purportedly one of the first masterminds on record. In case “mastermind” is a new term for you, (also known as a peer-to-peer group), it’s a group of people aligned around a common purpose who come together for brainstorming, learning, and knowledge-sharing, with a goal to improve. The Junto Club was (presumably) led by Franklin, and to which he asked thought-provoking questions for the benefit of the attendees, such as: “Have you met with anything in the author you last read, remarkable, or suitable to be communicated to the Junto? Particularly in history, morality, poetry, physics, travels, mechanic arts, or other parts of knowledge?” Or, “Have you any weighty affair in hand, in which you think the advice of the Junto may be of service?” I spent a recent weekend immersing myself in a mastermind led by Dorie Clark, with 12 colleagues, none of whom I knew, and all with the common goal of growing our businesses. Partnering with people I don’t know is important to me. According to Adam Grant’s research, time with your “strong ties” – people in your inner circle – provides you with redundant knowledge. Time with “weak” or “dormant” ties can open up whole new perspectives. Unlike Ben Franklin and his entourage, we did not discuss poetry, physics, or mechanic arts, nor did we birth grand initiatives such as the University of Pennsylvania, the lending library, and the concept of a volunteer militia (which the Leather Apron Club in fact did!) We did, however, share our business models, strategies, goals, hopes, dreams, and challenges, with the intent of learning with each other, so we can put our own great work out into the world. The questions put to us were more relevant to today’s business environment vs. what Franklin asked his group above. They included, among others: The questions created a pattern interrupt which provided an opportunity to pause, reflect and be more intentional about what I’m creating. And so, with commitments made, inspiration in hand, and hugs given and received, I boarded a plane back home, my brain swimming with ideas and buzzing with excitement, and my heart full of gratitude. Now it may not have anything to do with higher education, reading, or reservists, but participating in a mastermind can yield other amazing outcomes for you too. Some organizations offer them to employees. Many do not. And don’t let that stop you from creating your own. Whether it’s a small and intimate group of colleagues, or a more expansive coming together with people you don’t know well, there is tremendous benefit in getting out of your normal day-to-day. It’s hard to grow if you never leave your comfort zone.If reading this has now sparked in you a desire to participate in a mastermind, the internet is rife with information on how to go about it. Here’s my take on quick steps to create your own mastermind: Masterminds work because when done right, people have the commitment, support, and accountability they need to achieve their goals and be successful. Doing this creates connection, which is one of the components of the Leadership Fluency Framework, the system I use when working with ambitious leaders to create sustainable, high-performance without sacrificing health, relationships, or family. Did you know that there are also people out and about in the world that run masterminds? If you’re a woman in leadership with 10+ years of experience and think you might be interested in a mastermind experience, please hit “reply” and let me know. Or click here to grab a few minutes on my calendar.
The Real Cost of Ignoring Work-Life Balance
In the novel “Lessons in Chemistry” by Bonnie Garmus, the main character, Elizabeth, signs off her TV show with “Children, set the table. Your mother needs a moment to herself.” In the 1960s, when the book takes place, this was a novel concept – a housewife taking time to nurture herself. At the time I read this, I happened to be looking at aggregate information from past and present clients. The themes for coaching were in line with what I expected to see: What surprised me, however, was the sheer number of clients who when asked “What’s missing in your life right now?” responded with “work/life balance” or some variation therein. Men and women. Apparently, in the 21st century, taking time for oneself is still an unfamiliar practice. Yet the personal and professional impact of this is significant. At some point during coaching, clients invariably say that they are working too many hours, lack quality experiences with their family, have no time to themselves, and can’t find the bandwidth to pay their bills. In short, work is paramount and takes priority over all else. Ironically, it’s this very paradigm that gets in the way of achieving the desired goals for coaching noted above. I vividly remember what it felt like to be in that place. The volume of work was unrelenting, there were not enough hours in the day (I was commuting for three of those hours), my stress was through the roof, and I dreaded Sunday nights. That meant Monday was looming and I would have to get up and do it all over again (often after having worked over the weekend.) I’m stressed just thinking about it. It took time, but I finally realized that three of us were suffering in that equation. Does this sound familiar? In hindsight, there were things I could have done differently. (Feel free to use these for yourself!) The first two aren’t always possible. The last two are always possible. You are the only one who can prioritize you. Where in your life are you not putting yourself at the top of your priority list? Your call to action this week is to find small ways to be #1 on your To Do list. Here are suggestions to get you started: These actions may not seem like much, but over time, the small shifts will yield big results. You (and your brain) need a break. If you’re the type that likes data to support behavior change, check out this Forbes article about how stress damages your brain and how to fix it, or this article from HBR on why leaders need self-care. (Repeat articles.) If you can identify with any of this, let’s hop on a call! Maybe now is the right time for coaching. Just sayin’… 🙂
How to Try New Behaviors Without the Pressure to Succeed
I was talking with my walking buddy, Stacey Shipman, about experimenting. When I start with new coaching clients, I invite them to think of coaching as one big experiment and their workplace as their own personal leadership lab. What I love about this approach is the inherent lack of commitment involved. Yes, you read that correctly. I said lack of commitment. This might sound counterintuitive. When you experiment, however, there’s no obligation to perform this new thing to infinity and beyond (have I mentioned how much I love the movie, Toy Story?). Like taking a car for a test drive before you buy it, an experiment lets you try a concept before committing fully to it. So many of us struggle to fully commit to something new from the get-go. I think this stems from two issues. Most of us don’t want to jump feet first into failure. With an experiment, there’s no mandate for a lifelong commitment. It allows for flexibility, possibility, and choice. Making it much easier to step out of one’s comfort zone and put aside the “what ifs.” By definition, “experiment” is “a test, trial, or tentative procedure; an act or operation for the purpose of discovering something unknown or of testing a principle, supposition, etc.”* Take the New England Patriots, for example. This year they “experimented” with having Matt Patricia, a guy whose successful track record was as a defensive team coach, and put him in charge of coaching the offensive team. They didn’t make the playoffs. The experiment did not produce the intended results and I suspect Bill Belichick will not be running that experiment again next season (if he still has a job.) As Stacey says in her blog post, run the experiment. You can always go back to the old thing if it doesn’t work out. Your call to action is to experiment with a new mindset or behavior, evaluate your results, and tweak the experiment as necessary. Need some ideas? Try this. If you try something out and it doesn’t pan out, scrap it and try something else. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Until you find what does work. *Dictionary.com
5 Simple Ways to Network Over the Holidays
The holiday season is a great time of year for networking! Here’s a quick refresher on the benefits of networking if you need it: And, networking isn’t just for job search! It’s a great way to meet new people, be exposed to new perspectives and ideas, get help with problem-solving, gain access to information, and many other benefits. If you don’t feel comfortable networking, here are five ways to make it more seamless. Your call to action is this: When you find yourself in a new crowd, make a point to walk away from the gathering with at least one new work or personal connection. You may be surprised where it leads you!
Why Honest Conversations Are Better Than Silent Assumptions
Have you ever found yourself feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place? It happens for me when I “assume” there is a finite set of solutions to a problem – especially when I don’t like the solutions I’ve come up with! Here’s a perfect example. I provided a client with a proposal for a project. After I proudly hit “send” on my email, I realized I hadn’t accounted for a piece of the work that was potentially time-consuming on my end. Argh! As I was expressing my frustration over my rookie mistake with a colleague, she said, “Everything is a potential conversation.” The light dawns over Marblehead! You see, I “assumed” that I had to honor the proposal I sent. In doing so, I made a decision on behalf of the client without actually checking with the client, and I put myself in a box at the same time. It’s with more than a little embarrassment that I share this with you. I have conversations with leaders every day in which I ask “Have you had the conversation?” I feel like I “should” know better. Because isn’t it obvious to just have the conversation? Yep. Except in the moment, it wasn’t. It’s much easier to have objectivity about someone else’s challenges than it is your own. Here’s where I led myself astray: Here’s what helped me turn it around: With this new frame of mind, I shared my omission with the client and asked if they were amenable to revisiting pricing if my estimate turned out to be way off base. Her response? “Absolutely. Always willing to have the conversation.” Note to self… engage in the dialogue. What assumptions are you making? This week’s call to action is to have a conversation.
7 Questions to Take You From Funk to Fabulous
Here’s why I love coaching (both giving and receiving!) The other morning I woke up in a bit of a funk, attributed to a streak of poor sleep. That funk wasn’t going to do me any favors showing up as my badass, best self on an upcoming call, about which I was already feeling apprehensive. So I phoned a friend and fellow coach. In the time it took for her to ask me just four questions – FOUR QUESTIONS! – I experienced a mindset shift. The emotion I was feeling about the situation virtually disappeared, and I hung up the call with increased energy and motivation. My call went swimmingly. Yet one more confirmation of something I regularly share with clients: The place that you lead from determines your results. Had I stayed in my funk, the call would not have gone as well. The energy and mindset you bring to any situation is going to have a direct impact on interactions, relationships, and overall effectiveness. Why? Because, for most of us, its human nature to respond to people in kind. If someone is in your face and aggressive, you’re less likely to respond all warm and fuzzy to them. Since not everyone has several coaches on speed dial, here are a few questions for self-coaching the next time you find yourself in a funk and want to lead from a different place: Grab your journal and a pen (or your notetaking app of choice) and spend a few minutes in a quiet place answering some or all of the questions and see what emerges for you. Are you leading from a funk or as your badass, best self?