“That’s just who I am, and I’m not going to change that.”
I was talking to a coaching client, and this is one of the first things he said to me. The goal for coaching was to support an already strong leader in engaging his team differently. He knew he needed to change something, but he just wasn’t sure what. And he knew there were some aspects of his personality he was uncomfortable letting go of.
It came down to him deciding where he was open to flexing his natural style and where he wasn’t. He was not willing to forgo his directness, but he determined that being more curious, intentionally asking more questions, and offering less directive feedback would help him be more effective with one employee in particular.
Holding on to his natural preferences had served him well for a long time and afforded him several promotions over the years. But he was unintentionally diminishing his leadership brand and efficacy by holding on to ingrained habits.
It’s annoying AF, but sadly, the things that support us getting to a certain level of proficiency or rank in the organization often become the same traits that hold us back from developing further.
So like my client above, when we say “My style is…” it’s like saying “These are the limits to my leadership.” This is what Brian Lowery (Stanford University professor) calls The Authenticity Trap.
“This is just who I am.” costs us. When we hold fast to it, we cut off options that might be available to us, and we send signals to the team and the organization that we might not intend to send about our ability to grow and stretch.
Leadership requires versatility. (Says she, Queen of the Obvious.) Different contexts require distinct approaches. When we put a stake in the ground for how we show up, we set a boundary and honor who we are. Yay us! Setting boundaries!
In some cases, however, we might also be hitting a ceiling if we can’t find a way to honor ourselves while extending beyond our boundaries, and exploring different approaches. There is value to staying authentic. And sometimes it costs us.
So, how do you balance being true to yourself, while also adjusting to what the context requires of you to be most effective?”
