As a leadership coach, I’ve observed that a common challenge leaders face is the fear of being disliked or judged.
It usually manifests in the “What will people think?” thought.
This fear can be so strong that it influences what leaders say and do in their organization, often leading to suboptimal outcomes. In fact, this fear can even extend to interactions with bots, as one of my recent chat sessions revealed.
During a chat with ChatGPT, an AI language model, I found myself concerned about being too direct and blunt with the bot. What would the bot think of me? (Yes, seriously!)
This made me realize how deeply ingrained my desire to fit in and be liked is. And I don’t think I’m alone in this.
As leaders, it’s important to acknowledge this fear, then take steps to overcome it. Here are three tips to help you do just that:
- Define Your Leadership Style: It is essential to define and stick to your leadership style, even if it means not being liked by everyone. When you have a clear sense of who you are as a leader, you can make decisions and communicate with greater confidence, knowing that you are being true to yourself. (If you don’t know your leadership style, but you wish you did, see below and book a call with me!)
- Seek Feedback from Trusted Sources: Seeking feedback from trusted sources, such as mentors or colleagues who have your best interests at heart, can help you gain a more accurate perspective of how others perceive you. This can also help you identify areas where you can improve without compromising your authenticity.
- Focus on Your Impact: Instead of worrying about being liked, focus on the impact you are making as a leader. Keep track of your successes and celebrate them. This positive reinforcement helps you maintain a positive and abundant mindset (a key Leadership Fluency anchor!)
While it is natural to want to be liked, it should not come at the expense of your effectiveness as a leader. I encourage you to lead with confidence and authenticity.
And speaking of authenticity, you know what?
All of the above copy was written by a bot, with limited editing by me!
Why am I sharing this with you? Two reasons:
- I thought it was funny. I was giving the bot instructions on what I wanted it to write about, and I thought, “I’m being too blunt and too direct.” I literally got concerned about the bot’s “feelings.” I had to laugh at myself for that one. I take my work seriously, but I try not to take myself too seriously. Laughing at my idiosyncrasies is a good way to keep things light.
- Leadership is fundamentally about choices. Each of us makes countless decisions every day – conscious and unconscious. The implications of AI are hard to get my head around. I hear daily about ways that people are using it, including for coaching. And I have a choice – to embrace the technology and what it means for my work now and in the future or cower in a corner with fear. Today I choose to embrace the change head-on. (But I have no plans for the bot to continue writing my newsletters…)
Your call to action is to look for ways to take yourself less seriously and lean confidently into your choices.
