The Hidden Power of Small Shifts
A couple of years ago, I worked with a brilliant client with a unique and sought-after skill-set. She had a strong reputation within her organization and the latitude to focus on interesting work. She just had one teeny, tiny, eensy, weensy problem. She was so focused on people-pleasing and not making waves that the words “No.” or “Can I get back to you?” weren’t in her vocabulary. She reminded me of one of those machines that rapidly fires baseballs at you during batting practice. Before you have time to think, the next ball is hurtling toward you at 90 mph. Her brain was saying “No! No! No!” but her mouth was rapidly firing “Yes! Yes! Yes!” to any and all requests that came her way. You can guess where this is going. Yup. Burn out. She was overwhelmed with the volume of work, exhausted from working nights and weekends to try and keep up, spending less time with her family, and she struggled to find any time for her own hobbies and interests. Resentment started to build. The longer this went on, the more she questioned her contribution. It’s hard to feel good about your work when you’re overwhelmed and exhausted. So, what changed? Well, for one, I started coaching her, so there’s that. 🙂 Through coaching, she gained insight into why she was saying “Yes!” instead of “No.” or “Can it wait?” Here’s what she uncovered: Armed with this information, she began to make small changes. The more she repeated the changes, the more she strengthened new neural pathways in her brain. Over time, those small shifts became second nature to her and yielded big results. Specifically, she: In her own words, “It’s helped me make a more sustained and meaningful impact in my work.” Fast forward to today, and she’s crushing it. She started her own business, and the strategies she put into place back then continue to support her in her new venture today. People, like my client, are often under the misconception that change needs to be made in big, bold, sweeping moves. Similar to achieving big goals, behavior change is best accomplished by breaking it down into smaller components. Does this sound like you? If something’s not working for you right now, identify the two to three small shifts you could make that would have an appreciable difference in outcomes. Then practice those new behaviors. You may be surprised at the outcomes!
7 Benefits of Networking You May Not Have Considered
In June of 2005, I experienced an event that was simultaneously one of the most painful times of my life and also one of the biggest opportunities for personal growth (isn’t that always the way?) I got laid off. It was a sucker punch to the gut. Fear of financial insecurity came barreling at me, and any confidence I might have had vanished into the ether. This, coupled with my borderline social anxiety, was a potent combination. Because instinctively, I knew that the one thing I really, really, really didn’t want to do was the thing that was going to propel me forward and help me find a job. Networking. People often assume (incorrectly) that I’m an extrovert. I’m actually highly (highly!) introverted, and reaching out to people is often uncomfortable. So it was with this wonderful mindset that I embarked on a job search.* 🙂 Here’s what I learned pretty quickly. And networking led me to my next job. In fact, EVERY job I’ve ever held (and I’ve been working since I was 13), including all of my consulting and coaching work in the last 7.5 years, has been a direct result of networking. I’ll let that sink in for a moment. With that, let’s look at the benefits of networking. Besides helping you land a job (obvs.), how else could you benefit from networking? Networking can help you: Sounds great, right? But there are only 168 hours in the week, and if you’re like many of my clients, you probably have a hectic job, families, and other commitments. You may have adopted a “head’s down” approach trying to “get it all done.” And let networking fall by the wayside. Because if you’re already exhausted and tapped out, even thinking about networking can start to feel like death by 1,000 papercuts. Lucky for you, I’m a big proponent of keeping things simple. (Except when I cook. Someday, I’ll post a picture of my kitchen mayhem. The antithesis of simple…) I’m here to tell you, you don’t need a project plan or Gantt chart to pull off networking and reap the rewards. What you do need is some level of consistent action. I don’t believe in one size fits all. This will look different for everyone – find something that works for you. Here’s your call to action: Think of someone in your network that you haven’t spoken with in over a year, then reach out. Not sure what to say? Click here to download sample email or direct message templates.
3 Common Networking Myths and How to Reframe Them
I put a stake in the ground and declared that networking is a critical life skill. Knowing how to navigate life in a relationship economy will not only enrich your life, it will also provide, hands down, the best ROI. Ever. (If you missed the last post you can grab it here.) Despite this, myths and misconceptions about networking perpetuate. (You’ve already heard me talk about one, “I’m not looking for a job, so I don’t need to network.” This statement makes my hair hurt.) Here are three more myths that may be standing in your way of increasing your social capital and tapping into the vast power that building a network has to offer. Let’s break these down and reframe them, shall we? 1. I don’t like to impose on people. → Reframe: Networking is building relationships. First off, by assuming you’re imposing on someone, you’ve put yourself in a box before you’ve even started. In the last 18 years of proactively networking, I have had exactly one person say “No.” when I asked for a meeting. Virtually everyone you ask to meet with is going to say “Yes.” They may say they can’t meet for another month, they may only offer you 15-minutes of their time, but more than likely, they will agree to connect with you. Why? Because most people want to help. Second, if you don’t ask for a meeting because you’re afraid to impose, you’ve made a decision for someone else without their input. People know how to self-manage. They’ll let you know if it’s an imposition. I invite you to think about networking as yet one more opportunity to build connections. 2. I’m not good at it. → Reframe: You are good at it. (And you do know how.) I debunked this notion last week but it bears repeating because so many people have inaccurate definitions of what networking really is. It is definitively not schmoozing at events, connecting with as many people as possible on social media, or passing out your business card. See #1. It’s building relationships. This means connecting with others, finding common ground, and maintaining those connections in some fashion. You do this all the time in many areas of your life. Networking is an opportunity to apply this skill in a different context. How have you successfully built relationships in the past? What positive impact could this have for you in a business context? 3. I don’t have time. → Reframe: We Live in a Relationship Economy. Make the time. There is a difference between having time and making time. Do you have time to run out to Starbucks for your daily Pumpkin Spiced Latte? Yes, you do. Because you love PSL, you need the caffeine boost, or running to the closest Starbucks is more enjoyable than whatever else was on your to-do list today. Whatever your reason, you’ve prioritized it. The same holds true for networking. When you know why you’re networking, and you’ve found the way to network that suits you (more on this in a future newsletter!), making the time becomes much easier. It starts with shifting your mindset about networking and its importance in your life. What activities do you routinely make time for? How could you make time for networking? Here is a networking resource for you: Give and Take. This was Adam Grant’s first book and it’s a quick read. In it, he talks about three types of networkers – Givers, Takers, and Matchers – and the benefits and downsides of each.
4 Things You May Not Know About Networking
When you hear the word “networking,” what do you think? Are you excited by the prospect of it, or does the idea of it make you want to curl up in the fetal position and hide? I wholeheartedly believe that networking is a critical life skill. So, to bridge the gap of feelings on the networking scale, I am offering you a series on networking. My hope is that if you’re a novice, you’ll learn strategies that make networking feel easier (or maybe less scary!) If you’re a seasoned networker, my hope is that you walk away with a new networking nugget. If you are someone who doesn’t see the point in networking, I hope I can shift your perspective. 😊 I often hear people say, “I don’t need to network, I’m not looking for a job.” I can’t judge. That used to be me. Until I was out of a job and didn’t have a network to lean on. Today I know the value of having social capital extends far beyond the need to look for a job. People will also often say to me, “I’m not good at networking.” I beg to differ. Here are four key concepts to know about networking. 1. Networking is building relationships. I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest you do this in your personal life all day long. When it comes to networking for business – job search or otherwise – you’re simply applying your existing relationship-building skills in a different context. 2. We live in a relationship economy. Work (and life) gets done with and through other people. Case in point: The more you network, the more connected you are (Queen Of The Obvious over here…) 3. Being a connected leader gives you a strategic advantage. Being a connected leader will increase your confidence, competence, visibility, productivity, engagement, and influence. 4. In a relationship economy, connections are your currency. The common thread in all of this is about harnessing the power of relationships. Relationships that provide you with access to information, people, and resources. Brian Uzzi and Shannon Dunlap wrote a great article for the Harvard Business Review entitled How to Build Your Network. In it they say “What separates successful leaders from the rest of the pack? Networking; creating a tissue of personal contacts to provide the support, feedback and resources needed to get things done.” Mic drop. So, to recap:
4 Steps for Taking Time Off
Summer typically means taking more time off and enjoying the benefits of the warmer weather. But many leaders I know struggle to truly take time away from work. They may be “out of the office” but they’re constantly checking email, or their out-of-office message says “I’m on vacation but if you need me here’s my cell.” Which is basically an invitation for people to call you and for you to not be on vacation. Yes, in our “always-on” culture it can be hard to disengage and truly disconnect. And yes, situations come up that you personally need to handle. Just because it’s summer, doesn’t mean that work stops, or that deadlines suddenly evaporate into thin air. And yet the research is clear. Giving yourself a reprieve from work is good for your brain, your body, your spirit, and your interpersonal relationships (especially spousal relationships, speaking from personal experience…) Burnout is real! Take a vacation and you’ll come back to work with renewed energy and a different perspective. How to take time off: Still not convinced? Here are a few resources you might enjoy. Serious Leaders Need Self-Care How To Use All Your Vacation & Really Unplug (28 min audio file + transcript) From Burnout to Balance 20 Strategies to Prevent Burnout
3 Ways You May Be Undermining Yourself at Work
Recently a coaching client mentioned how frustrated she is at not getting recognition from her manager for her work. Her: “I do a pretty good job managing the scope of my responsibilities and hitting my goals.” Me: “Do you do a ‘good job,’ or a ‘pretty good job?’” Her: Long pause Me: “What are you noticing?” Her: “I’m downplaying what I do, and I don’t even know I’m doing it. I think I do this more than I realize.” Me: Long pause Her: “I’m expecting him to recognize my work, and I’m not giving him any reason to when I place caveats on it.” Discussions like this are fairly common with my clients, and I’ve noticed a few trends. Here are three ways you may be undermining your contribution and not realizing it: As James Clear said, “Your current habits are perfectly designed to deliver your current results.” Which habits are you willing to break?