In the novel “Lessons in Chemistry” by Bonnie Garmus, the main character, Elizabeth, signs off her TV show with “Children, set the table. Your mother needs a moment to herself.”
In the 1960s, when the book takes place, this was a novel concept – a housewife taking time to nurture herself.
At the time I read this, I happened to be looking at aggregate information from past and present clients.
The themes for coaching were in line with what I expected to see:
- Build executive presence
- Increase confidence
- Establish a personal brand
- Develop strategic relationships
- Manage up
- Maximize team performance
- Decrease stress and anxiety
- Regulate emotions
- Gain a promotion
- Increase influence
- Improve executive communication
- Etc.
What surprised me, however, was the sheer number of clients who when asked “What’s missing in your life right now?” responded with “work/life balance” or some variation therein. Men and women.
Apparently, in the 21st century, taking time for oneself is still an unfamiliar practice.
Yet the personal and professional impact of this is significant.
At some point during coaching, clients invariably say that they are working too many hours, lack quality experiences with their family, have no time to themselves, and can’t find the bandwidth to pay their bills.
In short, work is paramount and takes priority over all else.
Ironically, it’s this very paradigm that gets in the way of achieving the desired goals for coaching noted above.
I vividly remember what it felt like to be in that place. The volume of work was unrelenting, there were not enough hours in the day (I was commuting for three of those hours), my stress was through the roof, and I dreaded Sunday nights. That meant Monday was looming and I would have to get up and do it all over again (often after having worked over the weekend.)
I’m stressed just thinking about it.
It took time, but I finally realized that three of us were suffering in that equation.
- Me (obviously). My health, well-being, and mindset were in the toilet. Even I was miserable being around me.
- The organization. The job was getting done, but it wasn’t my best work.
- The World’s Most Patient Man, aka, hubby. I was not fun to live with.
Does this sound familiar?
In hindsight, there were things I could have done differently. (Feel free to use these for yourself!)
- Delegated, declined, or negotiated some of the work. “No.” is a full sentence.
- Set better (or any) boundaries about what was feasible.
- Asked for help.
- Placed more importance on taking care of my mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
The first two aren’t always possible. The last two are always possible.
You are the only one who can prioritize you.
Where in your life are you not putting yourself at the top of your priority list?
Your call to action this week is to find small ways to be #1 on your To Do list.
Here are suggestions to get you started:
- Take a walk around the block
- Spend five minutes journaling
- Give yourself a 60-second mindful moment while your lunch heats in the microwave
- Do two minutes of stretching before you jump in the shower or crawl into bed at night
- Make an eight-minute phone call. Call someone you care about – you can cover a lot of ground in eight minutes!
- Crank your favorite music while you get dressed, drive somewhere, or make dinner
- Read something short and uplifting read upon awakening
- Note three things you’re grateful for at the end of the day
- Listen to a few minutes of a podcast or audiobook
- Play with your pet or your kids
- Reach out to someone who needs support
- Spend a few minutes doing something YOU find fun or joyful. It doesn’t matter what it is, it doesn’t matter if you don’t spend hours on it, and it doesn’t matter if others don’t find it fun or joyful. The only purpose is to give yourself a time out (the good kind.)
These actions may not seem like much, but over time, the small shifts will yield big results.
You (and your brain) need a break.
If you’re the type that likes data to support behavior change, check out this Forbes article about how stress damages your brain and how to fix it, or this article from HBR on why leaders need self-care. (Repeat articles.)
If you can identify with any of this, let’s hop on a call! Maybe now is the right time for coaching.
Just sayin’… 🙂
