Recently a coaching client mentioned how frustrated she is at not getting recognition from her manager for her work.
Her: “I do a pretty good job managing the scope of my responsibilities and hitting my goals.”
Me: “Do you do a ‘good job,’ or a ‘pretty good job?’”
Her: Long pause
Me: “What are you noticing?”
Her: “I’m downplaying what I do, and I don’t even know I’m doing it. I think I do this more than I realize.”
Me: Long pause
Her: “I’m expecting him to recognize my work, and I’m not giving him any reason to when I place caveats on it.”
Discussions like this are fairly common with my clients, and I’ve noticed a few trends.
Here are three ways you may be undermining your contribution and not realizing it:
- Filler language sneaks into your everyday conversation, e.g. “I sort of have an expertise in biomechanics.” Or, “I kind of feel strongly that we should pause on this investment.” Squishy language makes you sound unsure of yourself. You have the expertise. You feel strongly. Own it.
- You use qualifying words to describe yourself or your ideas, e.g. “I know, I’m being stupid for even thinking we could get the project done in that timeframe!” If you keep telling people you’re stupid (or whatever other adjectives you attribute to yourself), over time they’ll come to see you that way. Humility and self-deprecation have their place. Overusing either doesn’t serve you as well. What kind of leader do you want to be? “Stupid,” or something else?
- You don’t speak up in meetings. I had a client who was afraid to speak up in meetings because her colleagues all had more experience, and she assumed they wouldn’t be interested in what she had to say. People will form an opinion about you based on your silence. If you’re not sharing your ideas, you miss a chance to add value, and leave the door open for people to underestimate your ability, knowledge, and engagement.
As James Clear said, “Your current habits are perfectly designed to deliver your current results.”
Which habits are you willing to break?
