There are days when a funk settles in and won’t budge.
I find myself stuck there sometimes.
But…
I remind myself that I have choices.
I can keep fighting it and resisting how I feel, wallowing in my funkiness. Or, I can take action. Because I know that at the root of my challenge is actually not a thing or a person or a situation. It’s “cognitive distortions” – a story my brain is telling me.
Our brains like to jump to conclusions, fill in the blanks, and then create a narrative for us that feels true, even if there is no supporting evidence. Sort of like a trailer for a movie that is certain never to hit the theaters.
If you find yourself in a mental spiral that won’t quit, here are three steps that help me:
1. Label your emotions – Research* tells us that getting more specific with our emotions helps the brain regulate better.
“I feel crappy” might be true, but it’s not useful. It’s too vague.
When everything gets labeled as “I’m stressed,” the brain defaults to the same coping strategy over and over. (For me, that’s sleep.)
If I name the emotion more precisely — angry, frustrated, disappointed — I’m giving my brain better data about what might actually help. Sleeping doesn’t do much for my anger. Doing something physical often does.
2. Look for the truth – Not the truth your brain is inventing. The real one. Because most of the shit my brain comes up with is definitively not true.
Three questions, lightly adapted from Byron Katie, that help me:
- What’s the story I’m telling myself?
- Is it true?
- How do I know it’s true?
The stories my brain conjures up fall apart pretty quickly when I’m forced to separate facts from assumptions. Cold, hard evidence has a way of puncturing a good doom spiral.
3. Keep your head where your feet are – This is mindfulness in plain English.
When your brain is spiraling, it’s almost always time traveling — replaying the past or rehearsing the future.
I find it helpful to bring myself back to the present with the reminder: At this moment, all is well.
That doesn’t mean hard things aren’t coming. It just means they aren’t happening right now. And that alone can calm the nervous system enough to take the next step.
Funky days happen. The choice is what we do once we notice we’re in one. If today is one of those days for you, try one of these steps and see what shifts.
