Have you ever casually scrolled through LinkedIn and noticed a former colleague just got promoted or won an award? And without warning, your brain whispers that your own achievements are much less impressive?
If your answer is yes, you are not alone! (And seriously, if your answer is “no” please tell the rest of us how you manage that!)
Your brain is wired for social comparison. It’s how we determine our status and belonging. And it’s a core organizing principle of the brain.
On a biological level, the brain treats social comparison as a threat, triggering a stress response and flooding your system with cortisol. Hello, anxiety, fear, or overwhelm!
On a mental and emotional level, seeing others’ success may make us feel inadequate and reinforce feelings of not being “good enough.” Hence the phrase → Compare and despair!
In addition to feeling crappy, comparison doesn’t just make us feel bad. It can prompt us to isolate ourselves from others. Instead of connecting, we pull back. And I don’t need to spell out the downside of withdrawing. (Gee, it’s so much fun being a human!) 😱
Here’s what to do instead:
- Catch yourself in the act. Label the comparison when it happens (“Ah! I’m comparing again!”) Simply noticing it can help disrupt the thought pattern.
- Look for the lesson. What draws you to this person? If you admire something about them, it means the potential resides in you and it’s a skill you can build. “If you spot it, you got it!”
- Be grateful for the example. You could spiral into self-doubt. Or you could actively choose to reframe the situation and see what’s possible. How can you cultivate more of what you see?
- Compare past you to present you. Instead of measuring against others, look at how you’ve grown. You’re not who you were a year ago or even two months ago.
- Measure what matters. Figure out what’s important to you and focus on those metrics – not someone else’s LinkedIn or IG feed.
- Acknowledge your “invisible wins.” Are you more self-aware? More resilient? Happier? That’s progress and worth celebrating. The trophy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
The goal isn’t to stop comparing altogether – that would be hard (see above, organizing principle of the brain). It’s to shift your focus back to you and recognize your own progress.
