Think about the worst mistake you’ve ever made at work. The one that makes you cringe inwardly. Yeah, that one. Now imagine doing that in front of millions.
Hard to stomach, eh? Well, that’s what happened to an HBO Max intern. You can read more about it here, but in a nutshell, an intern inadvertently sent an “integration test” email to HBO subscribers.
HBO wasted no time in posting on Twitter/X about this issue with a tongue-in-cheek tweet.
And the internet responded in kind. In ways that rarely happen on the internet!
Thousands began posting in solidarity and sharing their own epic mishaps – many while they were not interns. They are kind, funny, and offer the intern in question grace for the mistake.
It’s a feel-good story and a reminder that we could all use more grace in the world. Grace for ourselves, and maybe just as importantly, grace for others.
But grace for others starts with grace for ourselves. And if you’re like me, with a harsh inner critic, that can be a tough nut to crack. You can’t give away what you don’t have.
So what’s it going to take for you to lighten up? You know I don’t believe in a one-size-fits-all approach, so I can’t tell you exactly what will work for you. But I can offer a few suggestions that have helped me and my clients:
1. Put a photo on your desk.
Got an old photo of yourself as a kid? Or a picture of your kids, nieces, nephews, or any child you adore? Keep it in plain sight. The next time you start to beat yourself up – for a presentation that fell flat, a piece of work that wasn’t up to your standard, or a comment you regret – look at that photo. You likely wouldn’t speak to that child with the same harshness you use on yourself.
2. What would you say to a friend?
If someone you care about came to you with the same challenge, what would you say? Really. Would you tell them to suck it up or get over it? Probably not. So let’s not do that to you either.
Another way to think about it – if you had a spot in the HBO thread encouraging others about a mistake you’ve made in the past, what would your post say?
3. Challenge your story.
Get some objectivity. What’s the story you’re telling yourself? (Does this sound familiar?) That you’re terrible at presenting? That Jon in accounting is definitely mad and talking about you behind your back? That you blew the interview over one clunky answer?
Now ask yourself: what actual evidence do I have that the story is true? Gut instincts are great, just not in this situation. Did Jon actually tell you he was mad? Did someone tell you your presentation missed the mark?
Now, rewrite the story. Something more accurate, like:
“That wasn’t my best presentation. But it wasn’t my worst.”
“I could have answered that one interview question better, but I communicated my experience well overall.”
“I didn’t meet my own expectations in that conversation, and I feel embarrassed. I want to offer an apology.”
4. Name your critic.
I’ve talked about this before. Mine’s named Marvin. He’s a stinky little bugger. Another colleague named hers Gilda. It can be as simple as telling Marvin or Gilda to take the day off. You’ve got it covered. And if you need additional proof that naming (figuratively or literally 😉) your emotions is beneficial, check out this article.
Bottom line? Cut yourself some slack. We all make mistakes.
Instead of fixating on where you missed the mark, focus on what you learned or what you’d do differently next time. It’s a much better use of your brainpower.
