Have you ever thought to yourself, “I should be further along by now”?
This has been a lifelong mantra I am ever so slowly letting go of. And I know I’m not alone.
Clients say it after a presentation that didn’t go as well as they’d hoped. Or after scrolling through LinkedIn, watching everyone else announce promotions, or casually mentioning they’re speaking at three conferences, running a side business, and raising well-behaved goats.
Meanwhile, you’re just trying to make it through Monday.
I see you.
Let’s be clear: you are not behind. You’re building.
Every time we reach a new level of skill or ability, it feels great — the dopamine is flowing, and we want to ride that wave. Then we look around and someone else is riding a bigger wave, and suddenly it feels like we’re splashing around in the kiddie pool.
It’s a dynamic of contraction and expansion. Expansion boosts our confidence. Contraction feels… icky (technical coaching term!). But over time, the space between expansion and contraction gets shorter. The drawing below isn’t “to scale,” but you’ll note that each point on the journey is higher than the last.
In real life, that might look like quitting a job that’s slowly crushing your soul, even if you don’t have your next gig lined up. It might be going to therapy, setting boundaries, saying no, learning to rest, or asking for help before things hit full meltdown mode.
And it leads to expansion.
Think of all the people you’ve seen on LinkedIn announce they’ve left roles with no next job lined up. They’re honoring their values, their boundaries, their wellbeing, AND getting right with themselves. That’s the real work.
So if you’re…
- Figuring out what you actually want instead of defaulting to what you’ve always done
- Learning how to lead without losing yourself
- Prioritizing rest, reflection, or stability over optics
These are signs of change. If you’re feeling stuck (or like you’re failing), the reframe I’d offer is one of growth and prioritizing yourself. The next time that inner critic chimes in with “you should be further along,” try asking:
- What am I working toward that others might not see?
- What am I putting in place that’s setting me up for what’s next?
- What is my definition of success, and how am I measuring my progress?
- What if I’m right where I’m supposed to be, for today? (This one always kills me…)
Let the others hustle for their next big wave. I give you permission to hang out on the board and enjoy the sun.
You’re not behind. And you are making progress. I promise.
